Cilantro NO!
IHateCilantro.com

Cilantro, NO!

Supporting the fight against cilantro!

(5,720 members)
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Username: Markii
Member for: 303 days
Last Login: September 2, 2018
Sex: F
Stance: I hate cilantro.

What does cilantro taste like to you?
Most Hated Cilantro-Containing Food:
Do people in your family hate cilantro, too? Who?
If cilantro were a historical malevolent dictator, who would it be? Why?
My cilantro story, first experience, recent anecdote, rant, etc...
Click to read and comment on my story!
More about me:
My Haikus
[Letra de "Despacito (Remix)" ft. Justin Bieber]

[Intro: Justin Bieber]
Comin' over in my direction
So thankful for that, it's such a blessin', yeah
Turn every situation into heaven, yeah
Oh-oh, you are
My sunrise on the darkest day
Got me feelin' some kind of way
Make me wanna savor every moment slowly, slowly
You fit me tailor-made, love how you put it on
Got the only key, know how to turn it on
The way you nibble on my ear, the only words I wanna hear
Baby, take it slow so we can last long

[Verso 1: Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee]
¡Oh! Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal
Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan
Sólo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso (oh yeah)
Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal
Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más
Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro

[Coro: Justin Bieber & Luis Fonsi / Daddy Yankee]
Despacito
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito
Deja que te diga cosas al oído
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo
Despacito
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito
(Sube, sube, sube
Sube, sube)

[Post-Coro: Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee]
Quiero ver bailar tu pelo, quiero ser tu ritmo (woah, woah)
Que le enseñes a mi boca (woah, woah)
Tus lugares favoritos (favorito, favorito, baby)
Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro (woah, woah)
Hasta provocar tus gritos (woah, woah)
Y que olvides tu apellido

[Verso 2: Daddy Yankee]
Si te pido un beso, ven, dámelo, yo sé que estás pensándolo
Llevo tiempo intentándolo, mami, esto es dando y dándolo
Sabes que tu corazón conmigo te hace bom, bom
Sabes que esa beba está buscando de mi bom, bom
Ven, prueba de mi boca para ver cómo te sabe
Quiero, quiero, quiero ver cuánto amor a ti te cabe
Yo no tengo prisa, yo me quiero dar el viaje
Empecemos lento, después salvaje

[Pre-Coro: Daddy Yankee & Justin Bieber / Daddy Yankee]
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Cuando tú me besas con esa destreza
Veo que eres malicia con delicadeza
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Y es que esa belleza es un rompecabezas
Pero pa' montarlo aquí tengo la pieza
¡Oye!

[Coro: Justin Bieber & Luis Fonsi / Daddy Yankee]
Despacito
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito
Deja que te diga cosas al oído
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo
Despacito
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito
(Sube, sube, sube
Sube, sube)

[Post-Coro: Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee]
Quiero ver bailar tu pelo, quiero ser tu ritmo (woah, woah)
Que le enseñes a mi boca (woah, woah)
Tus lugares favoritos (favorito, favorito, baby)
Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro (woah, woah)
Hasta provocar tus gritos (woah, woah)
Y que olvides tu apellido

[Puente: Luis Fonsi]
Despacito
This is how we do it down in Puerto Rico
I just wanna hear you screaming, "¡Ay, Bendito!"
I can move forever cuando esté contigo
¡Bailalo!

[Post-Coro: Daddy Yankee, Luis Fonsi & Justin Bieber]
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Que le enseñes a mi boca
Tus lugares favoritos
(Favorito, favorito, baby)
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito
Hasta provocar tus gritos (Fonsi)
Y que olvides tu apellido (D.Y.)
Despacito
Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles
Despacito 2 (Feat: Lil Pump, XXX Tentacion, MinecraftAwesomeParodies, Pink Guy, Death Grips, 6ix9ine, 2pac, Joji, Lil Peep, Lil Yatchy, Ameer Vann, Twenty One Pilots, Blank Banshee, Lil Xan, Kuwait Grips, Tyler The Creator, Jaden Smith, Morrinsoney, Kurt Cobain, Yung Caucasian, DJ Pajamas, Link Wrey, Ice T, Péricles, Lil Gay, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Beyoncé, Eazy E, Pink Floyd, Cal Chuchesta, Ice Cube, BROCKHAMPTON, Odd Future, David Bowie, Elon Musk, Politikz, Yung Thug, Foo Fighters, Billie Holiday, Nat King Cole, My Chemical Romance, Smash Mouth, DJ Khaled, Imagine Dragons, Bjork, The Notourious B.I.G, Mad Dogg, Garth Brooks, JPEG Mafia, Mozart, Car Seat Headrest, Sex Bob-Omb, Frank Jav Cee, Sandtimer, Skrillex, Ghostemane, Nikki Minaj, Kid Cudi, Metallica, John Lennon and The Plastic Yoko Band, Pogo, AC DC, 2 8 1 4, The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Swans, Alexander Hamilton, Jack Douglass, Talking Heads, Arctic Monkeys, Paramore, Iron Maiden, Panic! At The Disco, Nirvana, Avril Lavigne, All Time Low, AJR, Green Day, Deadmau5, Simple Plan, Vanilla Ice, Eminem, The Killers, Drake, Hannah Montana, Vacations, Frank Ocean, Radiohead, Marshmello, Rex Orange County, The Strokes, Kali Uchis, Cardi B, Fall Out Boy, Blink-182, Michael Jackson, Agepê, Jack Johnson, Ninja Sex Party, BTS, Floral Shoppe, Pusha T, Eric Clapton, Pitbull, Will.i.am, Black Eyed Peas, Beastie Boys, Petshop Boys, R.E.M, Tame Impala, Backstreet Boys, The Ink Spots, Kanye West, Dean Martin, Logic, Marty Robbins, KE$HA, G-Eazy, Weezer, Toto, Darude, Shawn Mendes, Maroon Five, Father John Misty, Ed Sheeran, Post Malone, American Hi-Fi, Dashboard Confession, Miley Cyrus, Bob Marley, Nardwuar, King Buzzo, Marvin Gaye, Childish Gambino, Wu Tang Clan, Yellowcard, Leon Noel, Simon and Garfunkel, Elvis Presley, Justin Bieber, Matty B, Dawn, Dawn, Dawn, Johnny Cash, Helen Forrest, Hank Thompson, Tina Fonda, Prince, Rick James, Frank Sinatra, Lil Uzi Vert, A$AP Mob, Home, The Smiths, Joy Division, Gorillaz, Purity Ring, Beach Boys, Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee)
⠠⠞⠕⠀⠆⠀⠋⠁⠊⠗⠂⠀⠽⠀⠓⠀⠞⠕⠀⠓⠀⠁⠀⠧⠀⠓⠊⠣⠀⠠⠠⠊⠟⠀⠞⠕⠀⠐⠥⠌⠯⠀⠠⠗⠊⠉⠅⠀⠯⠀⠠⠍⠕⠗⠞⠽⠲⠀⠠⠮⠀⠓⠥⠍⠕⠗⠀⠊⠎⠀⠑⠭⠞⠗⠑⠍⠑⠇⠽⠀⠎⠥⠃⠞⠇⠑⠂⠀⠯⠀⠾⠳⠞⠀⠁⠀⠎⠕⠇⠊⠙⠀⠛⠗⠁⠎⠏⠀⠷⠀⠮⠕⠗⠑⠞⠊⠉⠁⠇⠀⠏⠓⠽⠎⠊⠉⠎⠀⠍⠕⠌⠀⠷⠀⠮⠀⠚⠕⠅⠑⠎⠀⠺⠀⠛⠀⠕⠧⠻⠀⠁⠀⠞⠽⠏⠊⠉⠁⠇⠀⠧⠊⠑⠺⠻⠄⠎⠀⠓⠂⠙⠲⠀⠠⠞⠐⠓⠄⠎⠀⠁⠇⠀⠠⠗⠊⠉⠅⠄⠎⠀⠝⠊⠓⠊⠇⠊⠌⠊⠉⠀⠳⠞⠇⠕⠕⠅⠂⠀⠱⠀⠊⠎⠀⠙⠑⠋⠞⠇⠽⠀⠺⠕⠧⠑⠝⠀⠔⠞⠕⠀⠦⠀⠐⠡⠊⠎⠁⠰⠝⠀⠤⠀⠦⠀⠏⠻⠎⠕⠝⠁⠇⠀⠏⠓⠊⠇⠕⠎⠕⠏⠓⠽⠀⠙⠗⠁⠺⠎⠀⠓⠑⠁⠧⠊⠇⠽⠀⠋⠗⠕⠍⠠⠝⠜⠕⠙⠝⠁⠽⠁⠀⠠⠧⠕⠇⠽⠁⠀⠇⠊⠞⠻⠁⠞⠥⠗⠑⠂⠀⠿⠀⠔⠌⠨⠑⠲⠀⠠⠮⠀⠋⠁⠝⠎⠀⠐⠥⠌⠯⠀⠹⠀⠌⠥⠋⠋⠆⠀⠮⠽⠀⠓⠀⠮⠀⠔⠞⠑⠇⠇⠑⠉⠞⠥⠁⠇⠀⠉⠁⠏⠁⠉⠰⠽⠀⠞⠕⠀⠞⠗⠥⠇⠽⠀⠁⠏⠏⠗⠑⠉⠊⠁⠞⠑⠀⠮⠀⠙⠑⠏⠹⠎⠀⠷⠀⠘⠮⠀⠚⠕⠅⠑⠎⠂⠀⠞⠕⠀⠗⠑⠁⠇⠊⠵⠑⠀⠞⠀⠮⠽⠄⠗⠑⠀⠝⠀⠚⠀⠋⠥⠝⠝⠽⠤⠀⠮⠽⠀⠎⠁⠽⠀⠐⠎⠹⠬⠀⠙⠑⠑⠏⠀⠁⠃⠀⠠⠠⠇⠊⠋⠑⠠⠄⠲⠀⠠⠵⠀⠁⠀⠉⠕⠝⠎⠑⠟⠥⠰⠑⠀⠏⠀⠱⠕⠀⠙⠊⠎⠇⠊⠅⠑⠀⠠⠗⠊⠉⠅⠀⠯⠀⠠⠍⠕⠗⠞⠽⠀⠞⠗⠥⠇⠽⠀⠠⠠⠜⠑⠀⠊⠙⠊⠕⠞⠎⠤⠀⠷⠀⠉⠳⠗⠎⠑⠀⠮⠽⠀⠺⠙⠝⠄⠞⠀⠁⠏⠏⠗⠑⠉⠊⠁⠞⠑⠂⠀⠿⠀⠔⠌⠨⠑⠂⠀⠮⠀⠓⠥⠍⠳⠗⠀⠔⠀⠠⠗⠊⠉⠅⠄⠎⠀⠑⠭⠊⠌⠢⠉⠊⠁⠇⠀⠉⠁⠞⠡⠏⠓⠗⠁⠎⠑⠀⠦⠠⠺⠥⠆⠁⠀⠠⠇⠥⠃⠃⠁⠀⠠⠙⠥⠃⠀⠠⠙⠥⠃⠂⠴⠀⠱⠀⠭⠋⠀⠊⠎⠀⠁⠀⠉⠗⠽⠏⠞⠊⠉⠀⠗⠑⠋⠻⠰⠑⠀⠞⠕⠀⠠⠞⠥⠗⠛⠑⠝⠑⠧⠄⠎⠀⠠⠗⠥⠎⠎⠊⠁⠝⠀⠑⠏⠊⠉⠀⠠⠐⠋⠎⠀⠯⠀⠠⠎⠕⠝⠎⠀⠠⠊⠄⠍⠀⠎⠍⠊⠗⠅⠬⠀⠐⠗⠀⠝⠪⠀⠚⠀⠊⠍⠁⠛⠔⠬⠀⠐⠕⠀⠷⠀⠘⠹⠀⠁⠙⠙⠇⠑⠏⠁⠞⠫⠀⠎⠊⠍⠏⠇⠑⠞⠕⠝⠎⠀⠎⠉⠗⠁⠞⠡⠬⠀⠸⠮⠀⠓⠑⠁⠙⠎⠀⠔⠀⠉⠕⠝⠋⠥⠨⠝⠀⠵⠀⠠⠙⠁⠝⠀⠠⠓⠜⠍⠕⠝⠄⠎⠀⠛⠑⠝⠊⠥⠎⠀⠥⠝⠋⠕⠇⠙⠎⠀⠭⠋⠀⠕⠝⠀⠸⠮⠀⠞⠑⠇⠑⠧⠊⠨⠝⠀⠎⠉⠗⠑⠑⠝⠎⠲⠀⠠⠱⠁⠞⠀⠋⠕⠕⠇⠎⠲⠲⠲⠀⠓⠪⠀⠠⠊⠀⠏⠰⠽⠀⠮⠍⠲⠀😂⠀⠠⠯⠀⠽⠑⠎⠀⠃⠽⠀⠮⠀⠺⠁⠽⠂⠀⠠⠊⠀⠠⠠⠙⠀⠓⠀⠁⠀⠠⠗⠊⠉⠅⠀⠯⠀⠠⠍⠕⠗⠞⠽⠀⠞⠁⠞⠞⠕⠕⠲⠀⠠⠯⠀⠝⠕⠂⠀⠽⠀⠸⠉⠀⠎⠑⠑⠀⠭⠲⠀⠠⠭⠄⠎⠀⠿⠀⠮⠀⠇⠁⠙⠊⠑⠎⠄⠀⠑⠽⠑⠎⠀⠕⠝⠇⠽⠤⠀⠠⠯⠀⠑⠧⠑⠝⠀⠮⠽⠀⠓⠀⠞⠕⠀⠙⠑⠍⠕⠝⠌⠗⠁⠞⠑⠀⠞⠀⠮⠽⠄⠗⠑⠀⠾⠔⠀⠼⠑⠀⠠⠠⠊⠟⠀⠏⠕⠔⠞⠎⠀⠷⠀⠍⠽⠀⠪⠝⠀⠐⠣⠏⠗⠑⠋⠻⠁⠃⠇⠽⠀⠇⠪⠻⠐⠜⠀⠃⠑⠿⠑⠓⠯⠲
I know you haven’t said anything yet but I already don’t like you, I hope you lose your virginity at age 80 to a dog name clifford who raped you in the ass down in the dark alleyways of detroit. After this I hope you are holds at gunpoint to jack off 100 horses at the same time somehow and while trying to perform this stunt one of the horses rapes you to death and you get reincarnated as a female frog that gets turned gay by the chemicals those damn globalists are putting in the water. You then fuck a monkey and give birth to HIV 2.0 and make humanity go extinct except for jimmy kimmel so you and Jimmy kimmel have to fuck to continue the “species” when really it’s just a species of half human half frogs (close enough). After the disgusting Jimmy kimmel frog hybrid has had 2 kids the kids have no choice but to have incest so this already completely fucked species now looks like Fidel Castro Jizzed on Donald Trump's Retarded Half Cousin. Because of this incest every generation of this new frog-human species gets more and more fucked until the point where they all end up looking like h3h3’s retarded inbred cousin with severe tourettes, autism, and ptsd by the 100th generation AND THEN SOME RETARD JUST HAD TO FUCK A RABBIT so now the species is fucked, they all die and are reincarnated as gay versions of your human form and they all construct a society where it is illegal to be a huge fucking cunt but because they’re all clones of you they all are put in jail and then they all collectively think “Wait, how the fuck did we end up here?” so they all take LSD and have the weirdest trip of their lives, a trip so weird that Ijustine was a good youtuber and Amy schumer was funny. They then break out the jail that their retarded asses put themselves in and proceeded to all have a massive orgy because they’re all as egotistical and a piece of shit as you, so almost all of them die of aids 2.0 because it’s so contagious that even when reincarnated, it still stays. So all your retarded clone motherfuckers are gone except for one so you fuck the only living species left on earth, a rock, which was discovered as a species in 2192. This rock was in the core of earth where hell is, you have fourteen kids and right a book about the events preceding the event called “edsby” for your new rock species to read for generations, the book reads “I weigh 150 pounds and have no friends. My best friend is my pet rock. He died last week. I collect toenail shavings, and then stick them to my toenails. Then I suck on my toes. And I question my existence. Then I decided to join my pet rock in hell. I now currently reside in hell, eating my toenail shaving off the burning ground. Me and my pet rock really hit it off, so now were married and have 14 kids. One of my kids is named crippling depression, and ironically, he suffers from...... CANCER. I also currently and honourably hold the position as leader of ISIS. I am targeting a man named William Timothy Franklin. He stands in the way of me and my ambitions as a terrorist. I also get breastfed by my mother when she is in the mood to feel pain. She produces chocolate sauce from her breasts. She also has no friends and weighs just 10 pounds worth of British money. I live in a cage with a person named Osama bin laden. He just keeps repeating 911 over and over again for no reason. I lick carbonated milk off the wall for a living. I get paid 3 bucks every 86 minutes. The number is exact because i did a man’s mom. I sleep in the ground with the trolls underground”
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Bean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN SHAPIRO CHOKES HIM FOR BEING A LAZY MILLENNIAL AND NOT BEING MARRIED TO A DOCTOR THEN AFTER THAT DESTROYS THE POLICE FOR ARRESTING HIM FOR AGREVATED ASSAULT AND BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY DESTROYS THE COMMUNIST POLICE WITH FACTS AND LOGIC AND AFTER THAT THE MILITARY IS CALLED BECAUSE BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY SLAUGHTERS EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN A 20 MILE RADIUS AND HE FUCKING ORALLY VISCERATES THE ENTIRE MILITARY WITH MAGNUM DONG MADE OF PURE STATISTICS AND THEN BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS THE UN AND EVERY NATION IN THE WORLD FOR BEING LIBTARD COMMUNIST SND THEN ASCENDS INTO A HIGHER PLANEBean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN SHAPIRO CHOKES HIM FOR BEING A LAZY MILLENNIAL AND NOT BEING MARRIED TO A DOCTOR THEN AFTER THAT DESTROYS THE POLICE FOR ARRESTING HIM FOR AGREVATED ASSAULT AND BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY DESTROYS THE COMMUNIST POLICE WITH FACTS AND LOGIC AND AFTER THAT THE MILITARY IS CALLED BECAUSE BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY SLAUGHTERS EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN A 20 MILE RADIUS AND HE FUCKING ORALLY VISCERATES THE ENTIRE MILITARY WITH MAGNUM DONG MADE OF PURE STATISTICS AND THEN BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS THE UN AND EVERY NATION IN THE WORLD FOR BEING LIBTARD COMMUNIST SND THEN ASCENDS INTO A HIGHER PLANEBean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN SHAPIRO CHOKES HIM FOR BEING A LAZY MILLENNIAL AND NOT BEING MARRIED TO A DOCTOR THEN AFTER THAT DESTROYS THE POLICE FOR ARRESTING HIM FOR AGREVATED ASSAULT AND BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY DESTROYS THE COMMUNIST POLICE WITH FACTS AND LOGIC AND AFTER THAT THE MILITARY IS CALLED BECAUSE BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY SLAUGHTERS EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN A 20 MILE RADIUS AND HE FUCKING ORALLY VISCERATES THE ENTIRE MILITARY WITH MAGNUM DONG MADE OF PURE STATISTICS AND THEN BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS THE UN AND EVERY NATION IN THE WORLD FOR BEING LIBTARD COMMUNIST SND THEN ASCENDS INTO A HIGHER PLANEBean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN SHAPIRO CHOKES HIM FOR BEING A LAZY MILLENNIAL AND NOT BEING MARRIED TO A DOCTOR THEN AFTER THAT DESTROYS THE POLICE FOR ARRESTING HIM FOR AGREVATED ASSAULT AND BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY DESTROYS THE COMMUNIST POLICE WITH FACTS AND LOGIC AND AFTER THAT THE MILITARY IS CALLED BECAUSE BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY SLAUGHTERS EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN A 20 MILE RADIUS AND HE FUCKING ORALLY VISCERATES THE ENTIRE MILITARY WITH MAGNUM DONG MADE OF PURE STATISTICS AND THEN BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS THE UN AND EVERY NATION IN THE WORLD FOR BEING LIBTARD COMMUNIST SND THEN ASCENDS INTO A HIGHER PLANEBean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN SHAPIRO CHOKES HIM FOR BEING A LAZY MILLENNIAL AND NOT BEING MARRIED TO A DOCTOR THEN AFTER THAT DESTROYS THE POLICE FOR ARRESTING HIM FOR AGREVATED ASSAULT AND BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY DESTROYS THE COMMUNIST POLICE WITH FACTS AND LOGIC AND AFTER THAT THE MILITARY IS CALLED BECAUSE BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY SLAUGHTERS EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN A 20 MILE RADIUS AND HE FUCKING ORALLY VISCERATES THE ENTIRE MILITARY WITH MAGNUM DONG MADE OF PURE STATISTICS AND THEN BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS THE UN AND EVERY NATION IN THE WORLD FOR BEING LIBTARD COMMUNIST SND THEN ASCENDS INTO A HIGHER PLANEBean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN SHAPIRO CHOKES HIM FOR BEING A LAZY MILLENNIAL AND NOT BEING MARRIED TO A DOCTOR THEN AFTER THAT DESTROYS THE POLICE FOR ARRESTING HIM FOR AGREVATED ASSAULT AND BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY DESTROYS THE COMMUNIST POLICE WITH FACTS AND LOGIC AND AFTER THAT THE MILITARY IS CALLED BECAUSE BEN SHAPIRO VIOLENTLY SLAUGHTERS EVERY POLICE OFFICER IN A 20 MILE RADIUS AND HE FUCKING ORALLY VISCERATES THE ENTIRE MILITARY WITH MAGNUM DONG MADE OF PURE STATISTICS AND THEN BEN SHAPIRO DESTROYS THE UN AND EVERY NATION IN THE WORLD FOR BEING LIBTARD COMMUNIST SND THEN ASCENDS INTO A HIGHER PLANEBean shsrkpifo ANALLY RAPES STUPID LIBTARD WHO WAS ON THE STREET ASKING FOR MONEY BECAUSE HE WAS POOR AND NEEDED TO BUY FOOD SO BEAN SHARPIRO RAPES HIM LIKE A MAILMAN FOR BEING A STUPID FUCKING RETARDED COMMIE AND BEN
Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form of laughter.Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form of laughter.Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form of laughter.Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form of laughter.Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form of laughter.Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form of laughter.Jonothan, Jonothan

Yes father, you have said my name?

Jonothan are you consuming all of the C6H12O6?

No father, I am not consuming the C6H12O6. Although it would be quite tasty, I would not eat it due to the fact it would cause many health problems later in my life

By the way you didn't make eye contact, I have a theory that you lied about consuming the C6H12O6.

Father, why would I lie to you? I have been told to respect my elders

Well then Jonothan, if you are not lying, then open your mouth to show you have no C6H12O6 inside of it

Father, you have seen through my scheme. I have been consuming the C6H12O6. This has been quite amusing, so I will show my emotions in the form
The Paw Patrol characters met at a Denny’s at 3 am. Rocky from Paw Patrol was eating a massive breakfast sausage with immense pleasure. Chase looked lustily as Rocky ate the sausage. He imagined his sausage filling his mouth like that. A little sausage juice squirted from the sausage and hit Rocky in the eye, Chase giggled. He thought about his cummies doing the same thing. Rocky whimpered a little as the juice burned in his cornea.

Rubble watched this scene with curiosity. He wondered if he could also handle such a massive sausage. He ordered one for himself. “Extra hawt and juicy, pwease,” he said, hungering for steaming, moist meat. Once his meal showed up, he grasped it with both hands and immediately began thrusting it down his esophagus with massive force. Just then, Marshall walked into the Denny’s for a late night snack. The first thing he saw was Rubble desperately attempting to remove the now stuck sausage from his throat. “Let me help you with that,” he said, and yanked the droopy meat from his pulsating throat.

Marshall, after collecting the meat, threw it in the bin. He’d have no use for that soggy, old thing anymore. He sauntered over to the counter. “Hey there big boy ;), an extra large helping of tater tots for wittle me pwease.” The cashier stammered. “U-uh c-coming right up!”

He nervously walked over to the chef’s station. “This little puppy asked for some taters.” He walked back over to Marshall. “We have a chef’s special tonight, not just your regular taters ;).” Marshall took a step back, confused. “C-chef’s special?” Just then, a stuffed, dense human rolled out on a cart. His toes were decorated to the max, completely glammed out. The human looked up, then spoke. “Are you ready for my dense special move?” Marshall had never been more ready for anything in his life. Just then, the human stood up on its legs. Marshall recognized the face! “W-wait…” Her jaw dropped. Ryder grinned widely. His stomach expanded to four times the natural size.

Everyone gathered around, purely awestruck. Ryder grabbed Rubble by the collar, and swiftly glomped him. He was gone. Never to be seen again. In the depths he lurked, ready for whoever would come down next ;).

Rocky saw what was coming up, and readied himself. He held up his arms and said “Ryder, I want you to be the first human to vore me.” Ryder smiled and gently told him, “You’ll have to wait your turn. ;)” he quickly grabbed Chase with his piggy hooves and glomped him without a second thought. Chase slid down his damp, dark esophagus like a greased eggplant down a waterslide. He plopped into his fizzy stomach acids next to Rubble. He knew just what to do.

This had happened once before to Chase, and he knew every stomach had a sweet spot. He felt around in the dark, searching for the slimy telltale sign of a humans tummy tickle spot. Then, he found it. He gave it a hard yank. “Ow!” Rubble yelled. “What was that for? If anything you should have gone lower ;)” Chase obliged, and soon Ryder’s tummy was rumbling away, but not because he was hungry. Ryder was satisfied. So satisfied he began to squirt his yummy cummies. Rocky saw this and realized he was thirsty. He put his mouth around Ryder's nozzle and drank his fill. Marshall followed suit.

Ryder was satisfied. For now. He sat there for a minute with Marshall and Rocky, and began to play a little, he was feeling feisty, and honestly a little bored. Ryder said, “Rocky, I’ll give you 3 seconds to keep scrolling before I spread your cheeks like some butter,” Rocky stood there, “What if I want my cheeks spread?” Ryder swiftly turned Rocky around, “You asked for it.” Ryder bent Rocky over and tore open his glutes, “B-butter my pooper~!” moaned Rocky in ecstasy. Ryder proceeded to do just that. Big boy Ryder used his yummy cummies to moisten Matthew’s poop shoot. Once Ryder made it juicy enough, he thrusted his entire fist into Matthew’s clenching, pulsating sphincter until it was red and raw.

Marshall watched with such lust. He couldn’t hold back, he needed in on the action. He jumped at Ryder with lust in his eyes. Ryder slightly annoyed, said, “Hey, I’m kinda busy here!” He grabbed Marshall like he was a bug crawling around on his back, a minor annoyance. He shoved him up his gaping anal tract. Marshall squirmed as he went up, “H-Hey!! I’m not to just be put away like that!!” He kicked him, and crazily enough, he happened to kick him in the male G-Spot ;) . Ryder howled with pleasure. He had never felt so good in his life.

Rocky, feeling a bit jealous, looked up at Ryder and gave him a passionate french kiss on his piggy lips. Ryder's attention was immediately brought back, he buttered Rocky's pooper more. His attention-- again, was ripped away from Rocky and back to Marshall with another squirm. He howled again, nearly dropping Rocky. Rocky pulled his attention back though
I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself with something that’s alive that is more rewarding that jacking off into a tissue. I talk to them while I do it. It isn’t something I do frequently, but it’s a nice changeup for when I want something different.

Of course, this raises issues of wether or not a houseplant can consent. I suppose that depends on wether or not you consider plants to be sentient. I don’t think they are sentient in the same way animals are, so I don’t think I’m doing anything unethical.I’ve masturbated with/on some my houseplants and I’ve found it very satisfying. There’s something about sharing yourself w
I got curious one day while beating my dick. I came all over myself as always, but this time was different, this time instead of letting the sticky white cum dry on top of my body like a protein lotion, I decided to give it a taste. It's not gay or anything, everyone has their sexual curiosities right? I dabbed my finger into the pool of tadpoles and stuck into my mouth. It tasted..different, nothing super tasty, i mean im not gay lol, but it didnt really taste gross either. Over the next month i began eating my cum every time i beat off, I would experiment with different diets to alter the taste of my nice loads. My favorite combination by far is a mix of pineapple, mangos, and guacamole. It gives my semen a robust taste and a rich texture that allows the semen to slide nicely down my throat. Give it a try sometime, no homo.I got curious one day while beating my dick. I came all over myself as always, but this time was different, this time instead of letting the sticky white cum dry on top of my body like a protein lotion, I decided to give it a taste. It's not gay or anything, everyone has their sexual curiosities right? I dabbed my finger into the pool of tadpoles and stuck into my mouth. It tasted..different, nothing super tasty, i mean im not gay lol, but it didnt really taste gross either. Over the next month i began eating my cum every time i beat off, I would experiment with different diets to alter the taste of my nice loads. My favorite combination by far is a mix of pineapple, mangos, and guacamole. It gives my semen a robust taste and a rich texture that allows the semen to slide nicely down my throat. Give it a try sometime, no homo.I got curious one day while beating my dick. I came all over myself as always, but this time was different, this time instead of letting the sticky white cum dry on top of my body like a protein lotion, I decided to give it a taste. It's not gay or anything, everyone has their sexual curiosities right? I dabbed my finger into the pool of tadpoles and stuck into my mouth. It tasted..different, nothing super tasty, i mean im not gay lol, but it didnt really taste gross either. Over the next month i began eating my cum every time i beat off, I would experiment with different diets to alter the taste of my nice loads. My favorite combination by far is a mix of pineapple, mangos, and guacamole. It gives my semen a robust taste and a rich texture that allows the semen to slide nicely down my throat. Give it a try sometime, no homo.I got curious one day while beating my dick. I came all over myself as always, but this time was different, this time instead of letting the sticky white cum dry on top of my body like a protein lotion, I decided to give it a taste. It's not gay or anything, everyone has their sexual curiosities right? I dabbed my finger into the pool of tadpoles and stuck into my mouth. It tasted..different, nothing super tasty, i mean im not gay lol, but it didnt really taste gross either. Over the next month i began eating my cum every time i beat off, I would experiment with different diets to alter the taste of my nice loads. My favorite combination by far is a mix of pineapple, mangos, and guacamole. It gives my semen a robust taste and a rich texture that allows the semen to slide nicely down my throat. Give it a try sometime, no homo.I got curious one day while beating my dick. I came all over myself as always, but this time was different, this time instead of letting the sticky white cum dry on top of my body like a protein lotion, I decided to give it a taste. It's not gay or anything, everyone has their sexual curiosities right? I dabbed my finger into the pool of tadpoles and stuck into my mouth. It tasted..different, nothing super tasty, i mean im not gay lol, but it didnt really taste gross either. Over the next month i began eating my cum every time i beat off, I would experiment with different diets to alter the taste of my nice loads. My favorite combination by far is a mix of pineapple, mangos, and guacamole. It gives my semen a robust taste and a rich texture that allows the semen to slide nicely down my throat. Give it a try sometime, no homo.I got curious one day while beating my dick. I came all over myself as always, but this time was different, this time instead of letting the sticky white cum dry on top of my body like a protein lotion, I decided to give it a taste. It's not gay or anything, everyone has their sexual curiosities right? I dabbed my finger into the pool of tadpoles and stuck into my mouth. It tasted..different, nothing super tasty, i mean im not gay lol, but it didnt really taste gross either. Over the next month i began eating my cum every time i beat off, I would experiment with different diets to alter the taste of my nice loads. My favorite combination by far is a mix of pineapple, mangos, and guacamole. It gives my semen a robust taste and a rich texture that allows the semen to slide nicely down my throat. Give it a
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_ The documentary series finished airing ages ago.
Why is PBS sending another crew? We're getting bonus footage for the DVD.
Pfft.
Nobody buys DVDs anymore.
It'll be a pledge gift.
PBS The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates and viewers like you.
In the past year I've consolidated the entire Scranton paper market regained the White Pages, the district, the county, we supply them all.
I'm getting married tomorrow afternoon.
And in the morning there's mini-reunion.
A kind of "where are they now" panel at a local theater.
It'll be nice to see everyone again.
I haven't seen Kevin since we let him go.
Today marks several important milestones.
Stanley, as you know, is retiring.
Yes.
Whoo, whoo, whoo.
Ah, I've been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old.
- Speech! - No! And our next and most thickly frosted cake is for Kevin.
Yes! Wait, why? Go ahead and just read the frosting.
- "Get out"? - Mm-hmm.
What does that mean? It's a colloquial way of saying "you're fired," Kevin, - which you are.
- What? Dwight you can't do that.
The cake has spoken, Pam.
Sorry! Heh.
Well, if anyone here can make a case for Kevin staying Dwight Based on his merit.
Ooh.
Um I'm good.
Well, Toby'll stop it.
Anytime anyone's ever been fired, - Toby's blocked it, so - Yeah, yeah.
- I don't think - Toby, wait, wait.
Hold that thought.
Here's your cake.
Bye bye, Toby.
At least I got chocolate.
I bike to work now.
Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy, and, uh, oh, yeah, it's good for the environment too.
Pam and I are great.
She just recently finished her mural for the Irish Cultural Center.
- Whoo! - Can you clap? Can you clap for mom? And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese.
Angela, are you ready for the wedding? Yes.
My heart is so open.
I am so at peace.
Look at Meredith.
She's disgusting.
Those feet they're like the paws of an orangutan.
I think she looks good.
Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much.
That is all.
Have a good morning.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, Dwight.
What was that for? To remind you that our wedding's gonna be wonderful.
Ah, I know.
It just feels so empty with so many of the old gang gone.
D, it's gonna be perfect.
The only people that need to be there are you and me.
Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth.
You keep forgetting about him.
I don't I don't know why.
I brought in some new faces, and one old.
I always liked Devon.
I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired.
The only person he fooled was Kevin.
Then the police showed up.
Turns out, Creed was in the band The Grass Roots in the 1960s.
During that time, the police say, he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.
- Oh, some fudge? - Oh, thanks.
I love your fudge.
- Thanks.
- Mm.
I think I gained a couple pounds since I got here.
Oh, you can afford it.
After 16 years, it's strange sitting across from somebody who isn't Stanley.
But he'll get there.
- Okay, the limo's gonna be here at 5:00.
I need everybody to be ready 'cause I want to pack in a lot.
Partytime whorehouse.
Uh, no.
No whorehouse.
This is Dwight's night, okay? Well, you're the bestisch mensch Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch.
Which is Schrute for best man.
He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight.
And I know, for over 12 years, I've done nothing but trick and prank him.
But tonight only good surprises.
"Guten pranken.
" Oh, hey, Jim, I forgot to mention.
Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders.
That won't be necessary tonight.
Great, now we got three hours to fill.
Okay, hold on.
Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up? Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had stopped sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.
Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.
Yeah, sure, I'll talk about it.
Why not? America's Next A Cappella Sensation aired my audition.
And when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently that struck a chord with quite a lot of people.
Not a very compassionate chord.
The clip went viral, as they say.
You can't just sit here and cry.
Oh, I can so just sit here and cry! Two million hits in the first week and then the parodies started.
One from the Philippines got 12 million hits.
And the late night comedy guys had a field day with it.
Oh, don't.
Aw, come on, Baby Wawa.
Don't be such a baby.
Oh, no.
It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be all right.
For Weekend Update, I'm Seth Meyers.
That's Baby Wawa.
Good night.
Bye.
After my clip blew up, I actually got a call from the double rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid.
Turns out they have a support group.
Not really my scene.
Years ago, the Senator promised a left
I keep seeing this symbol in the accounts from last year.
It's all over the place.
I don't know what it means.
That's the reason Kevin got fired.
It's his magic number.
He used to use it to balance his accounts.
He used to call it a keleven.
He told Dwight, "a mistake plus keleven gets you home by seven.
" He was home by 4:45 that day.
Oh, I live in Poland now the Scranton of the EU.
Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend.
I'm looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow.
Can't wait to see everyone.
Well, almost everyone.
Hello! Hello! - Oh.
- Hi! - No.
- Oh.
How did you know my plane had arrived? How long have you been stalking me? Oh, no, no, no.
My plane just got in.
From New York.
- Are you still with Piotr? - No.
And I thought I unfriended you.
Anyone can follow a Twitter feed.
Wanna share a cab? After Dwight fired me, I moved to New York to write the great American novel.
I have six roommates.
Heh.
Which are better than friends, you know, 'cause they have to give you one month's notice before they leave.
- Hey-oh! - Andy? - You're back? - Yeah.
That's Baby Wawa, right? Oh, my God! Hey, man, good to see you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
- Andy.
- Hey! Aw! A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly.
Andy, I've been worried about you.
How are you? - A little warm.
- Poor, poor Andy.
Okay.
Aw.
- Thank you, Phyllis.
- Hello, hello.
- Hey! - Dar-ryl! - Darryl! - Hey! Hey, what's up? Didn't I just see you at the airport - jumping in a limo? - What? Must've been another devilishly handsome, - debonair individual.
- Hmm.
Hey, man, how you doing? I, um I didn't call 'cause I figured you changed the number.
No, I didn't change the number.
All good, though.
Phone never rings.
What! Ohh! Surprise! I thought you guys couldn't come.
Yeah, but then they moved the panel to the same weekend, and the doc crew paid to fly us in.
It was kismet.
Kismet? Yeah, right.
Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend.
You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I.
"Guten prank" number one.
You ready for tonight? We gonna tear up the town? - Uh, better ask Jim.
- And Jim will say nothing.
Darryl! - Andy! - Hey, Pam! Hey, Pam! How are you? We're fine.
Yeah.
And I'm sure that you guys are fine too.
- Because why wouldn't you be? - Mm-hmm.
Darryl, oh, my gosh.
How is Austin? Tell me everything.
How's the merger? I feel like I read about Athlead all the time.
I love it.
And it's Athleap now.
And the city is amazing.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, it's hot, the music is awesome.
And the tacos are - for real.
- Wow! That sounds incredible.
Oh, guys.
Limo's here.
Let's do this.
Change if you need to.
- Whoo, whoo, whoo! - Okay, you guys, have fun.
You too, Andy.
- Yeah.
- Ohh! - Aw! - Whoa-ho! Haven't been in one of these in forever! They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls.
Really? Such a cliche.
I'm a man.
So I'm going to the bachelor party with the boys.
I just have to remember how I acted before I came out.
Wassuuuuup! Wait.
Why are we stopping? Jim, this isn't on the itinerary.
- Dwight.
- Jim, what - Get out.
- Come on! What What, are you gonna whack me, Jim? No, Dwight.
You'll be doing the whacking.
A bazooka.
- You remembered.
- Of course I did.
Get outta my way.
Oh! - Whoo! - Yeah! Okay! Guten prank number two.
Private room.
- Yeah, brosef.
- Amazing! Enjoy, enjoy.
Hey, I know you.
You gonna sit here and cry? Okay, man, easy.
Hey, dude, leave him alone.
What are you doing? Jim, it's fine.
He'll just get you on his cell phone, and then that'll go viral.
- That happens a lot? - Yeah, I guess.
But things are going well, actually.
I spoke at Cornell during Commencement Week.
I mean, the seniors invited me as a joke, but it was a huge success.
Well, I bet it was a smash.
That's how I got my new job in the admissions office.
Is that a volunteer program or No.
It's a job.
Things are going great.
- Let's get a drink in you, huh? - Yes! Whoo-hoo! Let's get this party started! Where's my angel? This is my big sister Rachel.
No, this is my big sister Angela.
We're very close.
We even have our own special language.
People love it.
They do.
Man, how long have we been sitting here? Hi, boys! - Ohh - Here we go! Oh, thank God.
We are famished! Hey, did somebody order the chef special? - Right there.
- Right here.
No, we haven't ordered anything.
No one's even taken our drinks.
Uh, what is the chef special? I bet you boys have a big appetite.
Oh, we do.
So we'll have an onion loaf for the table, please.
And tell us about your heartiest soups.
Mm, I know what you want.
I knowexactlywhat you want.
Yes, an onion loaf for the table.
But that's not all.
Now the chef special sounded good.
- What is it exactly? - Ooh.
Shh.
Okay, what are you doing? Are you giving me a taste of the chef special? - Mm-hmm.
- Hmm? Tastes like cigarettes.
That won't work.
That's no good.
- Whoo! - What? - O
That won't work.
That's no good.
- Whoo! - What? - Okay.
- Oh, boy.
Oh! Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed, or cleaned or whatever.
Angela's special repair man is here.
Wait, what is this? Shut up.
Jakey? - Mom? - Wait.
Wait.
- What? - Oh, man.
No, no, no, no.
Just do your work.
Pretend mom's not here.
Uh, that seems inappropriate.
Give 'em a good show, my little entrepreneur.
- Okay.
- Take it off.
Yeah! Good song choice, Jakey.
Stripper's only as good as his song.
Oh Oh! Oh, wowee wow.
* Well, I walk into the room * - Whoo! Whoo-hoo! - * passin' out $100 bills * Go, Meredith's stripper son.
Ohh! - Angela, are you all right? - I don't know! - I don't know.
- Oh, gee - Oh, my God! Be gentle, Jakey, gentle.
Just a second.
Just one second.
Look.
Okay, if anything, this is rougher! Stop it, Meredith! Fine.
My bad! Go ahead, Jakey! Uh, no.
It's o thank you.
You know what? You don't have to oh! No, no, no.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
Now, for the last time, I'd like a side salad with balsamic.
Dwight, for the last time, she's not a waitress.
You're telling me! If you want her to leave, just tip her.
What for? We haven't even gotten bread yet.
Does anyone wanna split a twice baked potato? Do you have those? Those aren't deep fried, right? That was interesting.
- What was that? - It's just the wind.
- Will you lock the door? - Okay.
It's just the wind, see? Nothing.
All right, you know, you don't have to leave the door wide open.
We get it.
It's the wind.
Just come and shut oh! My God! - Phyllis! - What's happening? Oh, man, never thought I'd say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.
Oh, it's the girls.
Hey, Pam.
What? Angela's been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled.
Good old Mose.
They think it was Mose.
Oh, great, he's getting into the spirit of the festivities.
Fantastic.
He just pulled off a braut entfuhrung.
What is that? A ceremonial bridal kidnapping.
He will take the bride and hide her at a local pub.
And when I find the place, I have to buy everyone drinks.
Ah.
All right! Oh, Mose! Wait a minute.
You said the tradition is for the groom to search for her, and it ends at a pub.
So how about the last pub you'd ever set foot in in this town? Right.
Which one is that? Mm, hey, driver, why don't you take us to 3030 Adams? - Is that Mose? - Yes, it is! I am here for my bride! Well, first, buy us a drink.
* if you want your bride, buy us a drink * * if you want your bride, buy us a drink * Very well! Drinks on me! Bartender! Well, well, well, well, well.
That's six "wells.
" Did I get that number right, Dwight? I heard you bought a bar, Kevin.
Yes.
I did.
This one.
Now get out! - Why did you pick this place? - Ohh.
You? You did this as a prank.
My own bestisch mensch.
Nope, not a prank.
I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
Waste of a good hatchet.
Okay, just talk.
Well, w - I heard you say "well" the first time, I know Dwight misses Kevin.
I saw him making his portrait out of a Wooly Willy.
Tomorrow's his wedding day.
You can't be anything but happy on your wedding day.
It was nothing personal.
It's just that you were terrible at your job.
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
No, really.
You were terrible at math and organization, time management, personal hygiene.
Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw out your computer.
Is that all it was? That's it.
Come here.
I missed you, Kevin.
- I missed you! - Ohh.
- Guten prank.
- Yes, Mose.
Guten prank number three.
You've had your drink.
Now where is my bride? Mose! What Ohh, Mose.
What the fuck is your problem, you fucking piece of shit? _ Hey, is Angela coming, or _ No.
We can't see each other on our wedding day.
And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk.
- Right.
- Hey, guys.
Stanley! - How's Florida? - Oh, great.
Yes, I'm living in Florida now.
Little town called Florida City, just on the edge of the Everglades.
The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat, which was kinda fun.
I sit on my porch all day, carving birds.
Am I the only one that's nervous? Heh heh.
How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed? No, no, I'm fine.
Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway.
I guess this was worth being filmed nonstop for nine years.
I'm sorry, guys.
This is probably on me.
I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral.
* Just sit here and cry, just sit here and cry * * oh, I can so just sit here and cry * * you guys are really mean * * it can't end like this, you know * * slept in my car last night, quit my job * * burned all my bridges * * and I did unspeakable things * * you're just not good * * you're just not good * * are you insane? * * You're just not good * * you're just not good * * chill out * * just sit here and cry * People actually dance to this.
It's in my juke box.
None of the money goes to Andy, though.
* Cry, cry
I'll go talk to the manager.
Maybe we should just go home.
Hey, it's Andy Bernard.
Nard Dog! Roo-doo-doo-doo! Roo-doo-doo-doo-doo! Roo-doo-doo-doo-doo! Roo-doo-doo-doo-doo! Roo-doo-doo-doo-doo! Roo-doo-doo-doo-doo! How did it feel to see your lives played out on TV? It's like seeing a documentary about how your food is made.
It's kinda disgusting.
You learn a lot, but I didn't wanna know any of it.
With today's modern surveillance technology, we are in a constant state of being watched, whether it's our government or the government of other countries, AKA Google.
You guys are being filmed way more than we ever were.
Uh, no one recognizes me.
But now all my friends call me Plop.
So thanks, PBS.
Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic.
And, um, I think we'd all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead? Well, I mean, how do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don't know.
I'm working on something.
She pays me back every day, just by being my wife.
So that's fine.
Aww.
O-kay.
All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything.
I mean, if I lucked into that, he could do anything anything.
I'm sorry, is there a question? Uh, no.
Pam, what was in that teapot letter? Oh, um, well, you know, I I just I think I would rather keep that private.
You know, if you'd been filmed for nine years of your life, there'd be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself.
I hear ya.
What did it say? We're gonna move on.
Next question, please.
Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody's actually filming you anymore? Yes.
I wanna know how everyone felt they were portrayed.
- Was it accurate? - I got a beef with that.
Um, for the first seven years, I was getting my PhD in school psychology, and they didn't show it.
Yes, I was getting hammered.
But, hey, it was college.
I have a question for Jim and Pam.
Everyone watching sees how much you love each other and how you're soul mates.
So, Pam, how could you doubt that when Jim moved to Philadelphia? Um, you know what, I actually didn't handle that move, uh, very gracefully, from not communicating to being a little selfish.
Listen, um I was scared, you know? I loved what I had, and I didn't wanna risk it.
And I think that maybe I did doubt him a little too.
Which was wrong, because he's shown me time and again.
But when the documentary started airing, people on the street told me that I had this fairy-tale romance.
But there were a lot of times last year when it did not feel like a fairy tale.
But then it got deeper, and it got stronger, and now it's better than a fairy tale.
It's like a long book that you never want to end.
And you're fine with that, because you just never, ever wanna leave it.
Aww.
LikeHarry Potter.
Yeah, likeHarry Potter.
I have a question for Erin.
- Really? - Yes.
Um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother.
Thank you.
So my question is, um, do don't you hate her? I mean, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her.
Maybe sometimes.
But not like hate hate.
More just like, "mom, I hate you!" And then she would say, "go to your room, young lady.
" And I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs.
And I have a room, which is really cool.
And then we'd just have dinner together.
But I don't know.
I'd have to meet her.
Thanks.
Erin Yes? Um Oh, Erin Yes? Is there a follow-up question? Mom? Aww.
Erin same question, but about your dad? Well, this feels like a good place to stop.
Let's thank all of our wonderful panelists for being here on this wonderful panel today.
Next week at the Scranton Cultural Center, don't forget, Irish step dancing semifinals.
Winning team to Mid-Atlantic.
- Where is the basket for gifts? - Right there, sir.
Hi.
I'm Dakota.
Jeff Bomondo.
I sell ceramic tile out of Newark.
- Nice.
- My wife's name is Kathryn.
I can show you my social security card, if it helps.
Uck.
Look at this mud.
Can you imagine if I had worn my Jimmy Choos? I just saved you Thanks for helping out, sweetie.
Mm.
Kelly.
You're here.
- Hey, Ryan! - Hey.
Whose baby is this? Oh, are you, like, a manny now? No, this little guy is mine.
So I was dating this girl, and one day, she went out to get a new charger for her e-cigarette.
Never came back.
Oldest story in the book.
Say "hi," Drake.
- Drake is your baby's name? - Yeah.
That is an amazing name.
I'm obsessed with Drake.
His last album, it just touched me to pieces.
No, Kelly, he's not named after a hip-hop artist from 2011.
It's Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake.
Cool.
Well, he is so cute.
Ravi, check out this cute baby.
- I'm obsessed with him.
- Oh? Ravi is a pediatrician.
And some of his patients are total uggos.
They're called premature, sweetie.
Yeah.
It's good to see you again, Ryan.
- Let me help you up.
- Thanks.
- Ooh! Oh! - Ow!
Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis.
Ohh.
Sorry, Phyllis.
You didn't know.
As long as I can get to the altar.
Oh, I'm gonna get you to that altar.
You can take that to the bank.
- You ready? - You kidding? I was born ready.
Dwight, Dwight, Dwight.
Um I don't know how to tell you this, but we have a little bit of a problem.
Oh, no.
What? The minister just told me that it's tradition for the bestisch mensch to be older than the groom.
Oh, come on.
I've never heard of such a thing.
I haven't heard of it, obviously.
But I'm out, because I'm significantly younger than you.
Not significant is a big word.
I think it's definitely well, okay.
- Either way - I think you're only a teeny Either way, Dwight I can't be there for you.
I'm sorry.
Jim.
I just really wish there was something I could do.
Michael.
I can't believe you came.
That's what she said.
Best prank ever.
Yeah! As is traditional to the Schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do.
See, I get what they're trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow? Ugh.
"Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For lo, the winter is passed.
The rain is over and gone.
The time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtle dove is heard in our land.
Let me see your face.
Let me hear your voice.
For your voice is sweet, and your face is comely.
" I now pronounce you man and wife.
- Bravo! - Bravo! Whoo! Release the doves! Ooh! Oh.
That's Go.
That's not Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming.
Now, please take your hay bales to the reception.
They'll be used for seating.
Complimentary hay hooks are placed along the aisles.
Just stab 'em on in there.
- Agh! - You get it? * no Angela, I'll be there for ya * * and when the storms scream Angela * * Angela, I'll be there, yeah * * oh, Angela * * oh, Angela * * when the winds cry Angela * * Angela * Everybody.
* Shout it, hey, here comes my girl * * here comes my girl * See, now you don't owe me anything.
* Yeah, she looks so right * * she is all I need * Ravi? Ravi? Drake has a bit of a rash.
- And he's hot.
- Oh, no.
I was wondering, could you maybe examine him for a second? Oh, yeah, you're not feeling well, little guy? Okay, sure.
Should we go inside? Actually, could you go inside? I'm feeling a little dehydrated.
I could really use a little break, have some water.
Are you sure you don't wanna go in? Ravi, just do it.
That baby is burning up.
Isn't this, like, what you live for? - Just go, go! - Thank you, Ravi.
Thank you so much.
This is great for me and for Drake.
Thank you.
I don't know, Ryan.
Baby Drake didn't look so good.
He'll be fine.
I let him suck on a strawberry.
He's allergic, but he'll get over it fast.
I had to talk to you.
You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me? Mm.
Mmm.
* Sara smile * Michael has so many pictures of his kids, he had to get two phones with two numbers, and he pays two bills.
Oh, my gosh, it's choreographed! He's just so happy to have a family plan.
Where'd you learn to dance like that? I don't know.
I've just always been really good at dancing.
* I'll meet you in the middle of a hurricane * Is it me? Is it Nellie? It's everything.
* I'll meet you in the middle of a sad song * * so free and easy * I missed you.
I missed you too.
* I'm excited just by touching your hand * Lots of people think that Stanley Hudson's a mean old grump.
But would a grump make this? It's me.
It's me.
* I wanna run with you, fast as I can * - I love you.
- I love you too.
We're gonna be together forever.
We're running off into the sunset.
I finally mastered commitment.
* I just wanna be your lover, ain't no liar * * Rosalita, you're my stone desire * * oh, yeah * What was that stuff? Hey, has anyone seen Ryan or Kelly? Ooh! Yes.
Uh, they left together a little while ago.
Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby, so they can start a new life together.
Oh, that's it.
Here.
Call Child Services and report an abandoned baby.
We'll find a better parent than Ryan in no time.
Oh, I don't know.
Um, Kevin? Oh, I can help you with that.
Yeah.
I mean, I can find someone who will who will love that beautiful little boy the way he deserves.
Hey.
This is better.
- Yes! It is.
- Hi.
- Oh, yes.
- Hey.
Yes, it is.
Oh, yes, it is! If Ryan wants his baby back, please tell him where to find me.
We'll be somewhere in Europe.
Won't we? I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other.
It's every parent's dream.
- Thank you so much.
- Good night.
- Good luck.
- Great.
It was really fun.
Good evening.
The doc crew's throwing a big after party in the warehouse tonight.
Yeah, I heard.
It sounds kinda lame.
No offense.
You going, Toby? Oh, I don't know.
I might turn in early.
It's only 6:00.
- Come on, everybody's going.
- You have to go, Toby.
- Yeah, come on, Tobe
- I gotta get out of this dress.
Oh, I'm sorry, Pam.
What's going on? Why are you still here? I'm so sorry.
They were an hour late.
No, really, what's going on? Okay, okay.
Um So this past year has been really great, and you've been great, and I just I know that you had to make this choice, and you had to give something up for me.
But I never want you to have to give up anything.
I just thought if I could get us an offer, then there wouldn't be anything standing in our way, and I could come to you with this big Jim gesture and show you all at once just how much I love you, and how much I really do believe in your future.
Sorry, how long have you been showing the house? - About two months.
- That's why it's so clean.
Yeah.
I mean, you were gonna do this without me? Well, you you bought the house without telling me, so I thought I could sell it without telling you.
Oh okay.
Where would we go? Austin? Maybe.
I promise you you don't have to do this for me.
I'm doing it for us.
- Okay.
- The last - We'll take it.
- Hold on one second.
The last few months have meant the world to me.
- And all I care about - Hold on a second.
Wait, what did you just say? We wanna buy your house.
- You wanna do this? - I wanna do this.
- You really wanna do this? - I really wanna do this! Oh, my God.
Hey, Darryl.
What? Yeah.
All right! We're so excited.
Cool.
Oh, that's for PBS executives only.
I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this.
I think your ideas are fantastic, Oscar.
I'd love to contribute to your campaign.
Thank you, David.
Uh, could I please have your attention? So a year ago, I got my first art commission to paint a mural for Dunder Mifflin.
And I decided to paint the history of paper, which was just some trees and stuff.
And then someone spray painted a bunch of butts on it, and I had to start from the beginning.
But it all worked out for the best, because I think that I've painted the perfect thing, which is the history of us.
All of us.
And this is for you, Jim.
And go ahead! Everyone, let's take our picture in front of the mural.
Oh, um, I just I kind of meant just everybody from the office.
Very nice.
Just a couple dozen more.
Smiles, everybody, smiles.
All right, that's great.
I got enough.
Thank you, everybody.
- Let's go outside.
- Okay.
Okay, I need a drink.
Yeah, we all need a drink.
What the there's only dandelion tea and raisins in here.
Hey bottom drawer.
Yes! - Oh, so - Mm-hmm.
Right.
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Jim Halpert doesn't work here anymore.
I didn't watch the whole documentary.
After a few episodes, it was too painful.
I kept wanting to scream at Pam.
It took me so long to do so many important things.
It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could've been.
Jim was 5 feet from my desk, and it took me four years to get to him.
It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes.
Not that I'm a tragic person.
I'm really happy now.
But it would just just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, "Be strong.
Trust yourself, love yourself.
Conquer your fears.
Just go after what you want.
And act fast, because life just isn't that long.
" If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience it's that if you film anybody long enough, they're going to do something stupid.
It's only human natural.
Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- Hey! What about the honeymoon? Oh, the honeymoon can wait till tomorrow.
We wanted to hang out with you guys.
I mean, when are we all going to be here together again? Aw.
J, P, and D.
The three amigos.
Ah, it warms my heart.
Hey, what do you say, when I get back from our honeymoon, the three of us have a conference room meeting just for fun? What is that meaningful look? You know what? Maybe we should talk.
Hey, come here.
You guys need to see this.
What is it? You're probably sitting there wondering what will be your mark, what will you be known for? It might surprise you to learn - I finally feel ready.
Athlead is growing.
Athleap.
And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat.
We'll come back to visit.
But I think it's time for us to officially No, don't say it.
You're fired! - You're both fired! - Dwight, come on.
Don't end on a bad note.
Don't be an idiot.
It's for the severance.
The best that I can do is one month for every year you've been here.
That's the Max.
Thanks, Dwight.
Hey, and if you're ever in Austin Whoa.
Right.
For what, the art? The music? The incredible nightlife? No, thank you.
But if you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay.
In my barn.
There it is.
Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don't have co-workers anymore.
I have subordinates.
So have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let's see.
My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properl
Angela Schrute, my former accountant, is now my wife.
My top salesman Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding.
And office administrator Pamela Beesly Halpert is my best friend.
So yes.
I'd say I have gotten along with my subordinates.
You might feel sorry for me.
But I actually feel sorry for you.
Because you're about to leave Cornell.
So say it with me.
Oh, I can so just sit here and cry.
Oh, yes! You did good.
Real good.
Thanks, dad Darryl.
I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group.
The weird thing is now, I'm exactly where I wanna be.
I got my dream job at Cornell, and I'm still just thinking about my old pals.
Only now they're the ones I made here.
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
Someone should write a song about that.
You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper.
It's not much.
But if you see it in the right way and that's what you did with this documentary.
But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary, and you couldn't once show me doing my origami.
Uh ohh! * I saw a friend today, it had been a while * * and we forgot each other's names * * but it didn't matter 'cause deep inside * * the feeling still remained the same * Imagine going back and watching a tape of your life.
You could see yourself change and make mistakes and grow up.
You could watch yourself fall in love, watch yourself become a husband become a father.
You guys gave that to me.
And that's an amazing gift.
Hey, Jim, remember Flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? - It was awesome.
- Thanks, Phyl.
I still have my medal from that.
Do you even have a mattress? No, but I still have my medal from that.
Oscar.
Oscar.
I think I'm gay.
Why do you say that? It's just that I'm so emotional.
Yeah, but you're not gay.
You're not gay.
- No, but maybe the reason - You're not gay.
* And all the faces that I know * * have that same familiar glow * * I think I must have known them somewhere once before * How did you do it? How did you capture what it was really like? How we felt and how we made each other laugh and how we got through the day? How did you do it? Also, how do cameras work? Every day when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave.
So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now? It all seems so very arbitrary.
I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring.
I took a desk at the back because it was empty.
But no matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home.
Let's do this.
I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder.
You're not alone, sister.
Let's get a beer sometime.
I'm happy that this was all filmed, so I can remember everyone and what we did.
I worked for a paper company all these years, and I never wrote anything down.
That was so much fun.
Bye, Kev! I sold paper this company for 12 years.
My job was to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and types of copier paper.
Even if I didn't love every minute of it, everything I have, I owe to this job.
This stupid wonderful boring amazing job.
I thought it was weird when you picked us to make a documentary.
But all in all I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary.
There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things.
Isn't that kind of the point?

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=the-office-us&episode=s09e23
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As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.As a real 90's kid (1999), my superior intellect allows me to process these things when playing on my gameboy. Perhaps you simpletons should just evolve to understand the ever progressing mechanism of time.
‼️🚨ATTENTION LIBTARDS🚨‼️

😈 I hope y'all are ready to get 🚑🔥BURNED🔥🚑 by 🧐 Ben Shapiro ✡️✡️ and anally 🤜🙏 DESTROY 🏴‍☠️ your views 🤭

1️⃣FIRST1️⃣ he will throw you on the 🚅TRAIN OF LOGIC 🚅 to 👌 destroy 😂😂 your dumb views 😱😱

2️⃣NEXT2️⃣ he'll 🌪️💥 EXPLODE💥 ☄️ your precious 🌍CNN🌍 (which is 💥🚨FAKE NEWS🚨💥 ) with 📖FACTS😎

🤔🤔I hope you're 😱 not afraid 🤯 of being wrong. Because at the 🛑 END 🛑 of the train ride 🚅🚅 he will ☁️☁️🤮😤GAS YOU😤🤮☁️☁️ with 😁CONSERVATIVE 🔥🧐 VIEWPOINTS 🤣 because FACTS 😵📖 DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR 🤣 FEELINGS 🤕

Get ready 👶 trigglypuffs 👶 for the 🔊 OWNING 🔫 of a lifetime 🏴‍☠️ courtesy of the 🇺🇸 MAGApedes 🇺🇸‼️🚨ATTENTION LIBTARDS🚨‼️

😈 I hope y'all are ready to get 🚑🔥BURNED🔥🚑 by 🧐 Ben Shapiro ✡️✡️ and anally 🤜🙏 DESTROY 🏴‍☠️ your views 🤭

1️⃣FIRST1️⃣ he will throw you on the 🚅TRAIN OF LOGIC 🚅 to 👌 destroy 😂😂 your dumb views 😱😱

2️⃣NEXT2️⃣ he'll 🌪️💥 EXPLODE💥 ☄️ your precious 🌍CNN🌍 (which is 💥🚨FAKE NEWS🚨💥 ) with 📖FACTS😎

🤔🤔I hope you're 😱 not afraid 🤯 of being wrong. Because at the 🛑 END 🛑 of the train ride 🚅🚅 he will ☁️☁️🤮😤GAS YOU😤🤮☁️☁️ with 😁CONSERVATIVE 🔥🧐 VIEWPOINTS 🤣 because FACTS 😵📖 DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR 🤣 FEELINGS 🤕

Get ready 👶 trigglypuffs 👶 for the 🔊 OWNING 🔫 of a lifetime 🏴‍☠️ courtesy of the 🇺🇸 MAGApedes 🇺🇸‼️🚨ATTENTION LIBTARDS🚨‼️

😈 I hope y'all are ready to get 🚑🔥BURNED🔥🚑 by 🧐 Ben Shapiro ✡️✡️ and anally 🤜🙏 DESTROY 🏴‍☠️ your views 🤭

1️⃣FIRST1️⃣ he will throw you on the 🚅TRAIN OF LOGIC 🚅 to 👌 destroy 😂😂 your dumb views 😱😱

2️⃣NEXT2️⃣ he'll 🌪️💥 EXPLODE💥 ☄️ your precious 🌍CNN🌍 (which is 💥🚨FAKE NEWS🚨💥 ) with 📖FACTS😎

🤔🤔I hope you're 😱 not afraid 🤯 of being wrong. Because at the 🛑 END 🛑 of the train ride 🚅🚅 he will ☁️☁️🤮😤GAS YOU😤🤮☁️☁️ with 😁CONSERVATIVE 🔥🧐 VIEWPOINTS 🤣 because FACTS 😵📖 DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR 🤣 FEELINGS 🤕

Get ready 👶 trigglypuffs 👶 for the 🔊 OWNING 🔫 of a lifetime 🏴‍☠️ courtesy of the 🇺🇸 MAGApedes 🇺🇸‼️🚨ATTENTION LIBTARDS🚨‼️

😈 I hope y'all are ready to get 🚑🔥BURNED🔥🚑 by 🧐 Ben Shapiro ✡️✡️ and anally 🤜🙏 DESTROY 🏴‍☠️ your views 🤭

1️⃣FIRST1️⃣ he will throw you on the 🚅TRAIN OF LOGIC 🚅 to 👌 destroy 😂😂 your dumb views 😱😱

2️⃣NEXT2️⃣ he'll 🌪️💥 EXPLODE💥 ☄️ your precious 🌍CNN🌍 (which is 💥🚨FAKE NEWS🚨💥 ) with 📖FACTS😎

🤔🤔I hope you're 😱 not afraid 🤯 of being wrong. Because at the 🛑 END 🛑 of the train ride 🚅🚅 he will ☁️☁️🤮😤GAS YOU😤🤮☁️☁️ with 😁CONSERVATIVE 🔥🧐 VIEWPOINTS 🤣 because FACTS 😵📖 DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR 🤣 FEELINGS 🤕

Get ready 👶 trigglypuffs 👶 for the 🔊 OWNING 🔫 of a lifetime 🏴‍☠️ courtesy of the 🇺🇸 MAGApedes 🇺🇸‼️🚨ATTENTION LIBTARDS🚨‼️

😈 I hope y'all are ready to get 🚑🔥BURNED🔥🚑 by 🧐 Ben Shapiro ✡️✡️ and anally 🤜🙏 DESTROY 🏴‍☠️ your views 🤭

1️⃣FIRST1️⃣ he will throw you on the 🚅TRAIN OF LOGIC 🚅 to 👌 destroy 😂😂 your dumb views 😱😱

2️⃣NEXT2️⃣ he'll 🌪️💥 EXPLODE💥 ☄️ your precious 🌍CNN🌍 (which is 💥🚨FAKE NEWS🚨💥 ) with 📖FACTS😎

🤔🤔I hope you're 😱 not afraid 🤯 of being wrong. Because at the 🛑 END 🛑 of the train ride 🚅🚅 he will ☁️☁️🤮😤GAS YOU😤🤮☁️☁️ with 😁CONSERVATIVE 🔥🧐 VIEWPOINTS 🤣 because FACTS 😵📖 DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR 🤣 FEELINGS 🤕

Get ready 👶 trigglypuffs 👶 for the 🔊 OWNING 🔫 of a lifetime 🏴‍☠️ courtesy of the 🇺🇸 MAGApedes 🇺🇸‼️🚨ATTENTION LIBTARDS🚨‼️

😈 I hope y'all are ready to get 🚑🔥BURNED🔥🚑 by 🧐 Ben Shapiro ✡️✡️ and anally 🤜🙏 DESTROY 🏴‍☠️ your views 🤭

1️⃣FIRST1️⃣ he will throw you on the 🚅TRAIN OF LOGIC 🚅 to 👌 destroy 😂😂 your dumb views 😱😱

2️⃣NEXT2️⃣ he'll 🌪️💥 EXPLODE💥 ☄️ your precious 🌍CNN🌍 (which is 💥🚨FAKE NEWS🚨💥 ) with 📖FACTS😎

🤔🤔I hope you're 😱 not afraid 🤯 of being wrong. Because at the 🛑 END 🛑 of the train ride 🚅🚅 he will ☁️☁️🤮😤GAS YOU😤🤮☁️☁️ with 😁CONSERV
I’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who will have a better job in 10 yearsI’m a 13 year old atheist and it’s funny seeing the creative minds in twitch chat influenceable chimps. Whenever you idiots “Pog Champ” “Omega Lul”, I am playing onward, managing my team and snipping enemies. Guess who
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.

"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."

It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.

I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.

One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.

I breathed in.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.

I haven't hit that yeet since.

PART II

Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.

With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.

"Yeet," I spake.

Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.

"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.

"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."

My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.

"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.

"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."

It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.

I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.

One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.

I breathed in.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.

I haven't hit that yeet since.

PART II

Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.

With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.

"Yeet," I spake.

Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.

"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.

"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."

My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.

"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.

"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."

It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.

I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.

One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.

I breathed in.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.

I haven't hit that yeet since.

PART II

Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.

With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.

"Yeet," I spake.

Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.

"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.

"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."

My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.

"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.

"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."

It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.

I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.

One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.

I breathed in.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.

I haven't hit that yeet since.

PART II

Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.

With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.

"Yeet," I spake.

Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.

"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.

"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."

My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.

"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.

"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."

It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.

I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.

One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.

I breathed in.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.

I haven't hit that yeet since.

PART II

Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.

With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.

"Yeet," I spake.

Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.

"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.

"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."

My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.

"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.
I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, "if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya."

"Yes, pa," I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework.

"Y'all hitting that yeet?" he would seeth.

"No, pa," I would answer.

"Good." He would then walk out the room and shout, "If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin'."

It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin' that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake.

I would swallow my pride. "No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin' from pa." As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in - I would never hit that yeet.

One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin' that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air.

I breathed in.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"

My father burst from my closet. "I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin' that yeet, nibba," he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me.

I haven't hit that yeet since.

PART II

Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one.

With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone.

"Yeet," I spake.

Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest.

"Y'all hittin' that dirty fuckin' yeet at my funeral?" he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me.

"Not so fast, pa." I grabbed his hand. "Yaint thumpin' no mo'."

My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. "The student becomes the teacher," he said.

"The student becomes the yeetcher," I corrected him.

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