August 22, 2006
Once I was in a restaurant with my wife and she wanted to order her favorite pizza. After looking at the menu I decided it looked pretty good, except for the fact that it was sprinkled with cilantro, which, I of course despise. I agreed to order the pizza provided we get it with absolutely no cilantro. When the waitress came back I ordered the pizza and specified that there was to be no cilantro on the pizza whatsoever. "Is it due to a food allergy?" she asked. "Yes" I said, lying, as I am not allergic to cilantro, just repulsed by its terrible taste. You see, I thought that if the kitchen was working on the premise that this was a food allergy, they would take extra precaution to avoid any cilantro contact. The waitress returned a few minutes later and asked me how serious my cilantro allergy was. "Fairly serious" I said, becoming panicked with the thought of my perfect cover being blown. "Oh, okay, I just had to check" she said. A few more minutes later the manager came over and informed me that the kitchen staff had been looking up all the ingredients to the pizza, including the dough. The manager said that cilantro was actually listed as an ingredient on the pre-made dough that they used for this particular pizza, and that it would be impossible to remove it. My wife gave me a look of pure disappointment as she sighed loudly and I knew the jig was up. "I'm not actually allergic to cilantro" I said shamefully. "I only said it so I could be certain you wouldn't put any on the pizza". The manager seemed very surprised, but rather lighthearted. "You really hate cilantro that much?" he said. "Yes...yes I do".