June 20, 2019
Hello my name is JL. I hate cilantro with all my heart. I have to rant before I tell my story tho. WHY does cilantro smell like stink bugs that have been crushed (ew but true)? That's the first straw. Secondly why does it look EXACTLY like parsley? like what if you wanted to make Dorie Greenspan’s Ricotta Spoonable and you accidentally put cilantro in and Dorie Greenspan’s Ricotta Spoonable smells like stink bugs. Dang like ricotta smells pretty stanky itself but you just add that stink bug to it and it's just GR8. Idk man like cilantro sucks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ SO let's continue to my experienceS with the cilantro. So my uncle is an AVID cilantro lover. He grows cilantro in his back yard because "it reminds me of Central Park". He puts cilantro in EVERYTHING. I once came over to his house and he fed me cilantro borscht. CILANTRO BORSCHT. I ate that thing for a whole FRICKEN WEEK because he has trouble with portion control. That's my first experience with cilantro hate. After that event I was eh with cilantro like I don't hate it and I don't like it either, you know? Then came the BIG guns. Cilantro showed me how stinky it could get. This is a loooong story so if you don't wanna read then stop now because I might increase your hate of cilantro even more. So one day when I was 10 I was strolling along Angola and I all of a sudden hear my name being called. I turn around and it's my ECCENTRIC UNCLE again. Now, my uncle and I aren't that close. After that cilantro borscht incident I made it my life's destiny and goal to go away from him as much as possible. So, I turn around and i see my uncle and he's holding some cilantro that seems to have been ripped off at its roots. It might be a good time to say that I used my safety scissors ripped those bitches to shreds you know? As a 10 year old I had some strong fire in me. So back to that day I was strollin the streets. So my uncle comes at me and yells at me in rabid Angolian. At this point the smell of the cilantro has reached my nostrils and is making my anger BOIL and BOIL. Cilantro is like wolfsbane to me. If I smell it I GO OFFFFF. So ten year old me is starting to get angry so I run to my grandmother who hates my uncle. That night I go back to my uncle's house and I completely destroy his cilantro fields. Like I'm ripping those leaves to SHREDS; it's a mine wreck. It's like you how in Minecraft you put those TNT's in and you blow up the villager's garden? yep I was the TNT and my uncle's cilantro farm was the villager's garden. I accidentally knock off my uncle's hoe and it falls to the ground with a loud thud. And I see the light in his room turn on. Then I run for the hills and to my grandma because she hates my uncle. I sleep in peace, but then the next morning there's a knock on the door and I hear my grandmother yell and I get up and go to the door. And guess who it is? My eccentric uncle who is hated by his own mother. He is with the po po so I know it's big business. So basically I was told to work in my uncle's cilantro farm for a whole week. and guess what food I got? yep FRICKEN CILANTRO BORSCHT that I had to make myself. I did community service for about 4 months and then my grandma immigrated me to the US because I suffered a lot. I told you cilantro is like wolfsbane to me. My grandmother still doesn't talk to my uncle to this day. I still have more stories but let's stop for today.